Hayley-XXI-64

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Derby July 5^th 1792

My dear H

As you seem so perfectly satisfied at my engaging not to visit the southern coast this summer, I trust a longer silence than usual will not affect you

Indeed as it is determined that we can no longer alleviate the sufferings of each other, in my idea it becomes the duty of each to impart them to the other, as little as possible. Upon this principle I have delayed writing to you till I could say I had fixed on a northern bathing place, & after much enquiry & much irresolution I have just made \choice/ of Parkgate, a retired scene near Chester. M.^rs Twigge was there the first summer I came into Derbyshire, & from her description, it appears the least exceptionable of any I have heard of, tho it is only an arm of the sea instead of the main body of Ocean which I most delight in - but the journey is shorter, & Newcastle is in the road to it. I shall therefore visit my pleasant friends the Hatrells (where Mrs. Heathcote is spending her summer) which will cheer & “light me on my way”. I shall also see M.^r Wedgewood & his agreeable daughter at Etruria & on my return it will be little, if any thing, out of my road to call at Buxton, as I shall then pay my visit to poor M.^rs Gladwin who writes very low indeed upon this fresh affliction. With seabathing & a change of scene I hope to recover health & spirits to feel more comfort myself & to administer more

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to my friends than I am capable of doing at present - but as I have already said I detest unavailing lamentation – This is therefore the last letter in which I intend speaking to you of myself. In future I will tell you what I am reading, & what I have seen, if I have seen any thing, but I feel to have lived during the last three years the life of Mother Goose’s sleeping beauty & to have dozed away all my senses - but I hope to rise from the sea, tho not Venus like M.^rs Keate yet a newborn Minerva & on my return to this Land of Philosophy, to become a philosopher hitherto my natural genius & habits of society have impeded my progress, but I expect in the Cauldron of Medea (as M.^rs Smith calls it) to be regenerated.

At present however I keep to subjects unphilosophical. there was a passage in your last letter but one which I should have replied to when I last wrote had I not been too ill.

Till I recollected that memory is not required from a Poet I felt surprized at your having forgot what I suffered from my Father’s resignation of the Deanery to the death of my Mother, I might say of my Sister, when time & accident began to reconcile me to the loss of my earliest connections I had not therefore an idea when I spoke of 22 years of domestic vexation of your taking the whole upon yourself. I should indeed be

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ungrateful were I not to acknowledge more years of kindness & polite attentions than I could now suppose so lively a character as yours capable of paying to any woman, & however fallen & mortifying I may feel my present fortunes, I have never regretted the time I devoted to you, since I owe to it powers of enjoyment without which riches could afford me little gratification. I can now as my friend M.^rs ?Lane Clarke happily expresses it “retire to my closet with the best company” & look down upon that world by which I am despised.

For what little ?aquisition \proficiency/ I have made also in music I am wholly indebted to you as I ?have had not advanced far enough in that difficult science when I married to amuse myself, & but for your prohibition I should have given it up. My Piano Forte is now my greatest resource when alone, & a Concert (at which I used to tire) is become my highest entertainment you see therefore that I am disposed to end our late hostile correspondence by rendering you ample Justice

As far as self is concerned I shall speak \to you/ no farther upon money matters - but make it my endeavour to grow reconciled to my destiny There is however one subject which, as we are never to meet again, I cannot resist repeating to you by letter (for I recollect to have once spoken of it) & you were not angry.

It is to intreat [sic] that you will suffer no refinements of delicacy or false pride to prevent your making

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such mention of Tom in your Will as may secure him from any perplexity after your death.

I wish you thoroughly to reflect that your Spirit when Living cannot bend the Laws as it has done a few individuals (who are dependent upon you) to your purpose – as Madame Lambert observes few are Friends to the dead & you may think me severe but I am confident when he has lost your support Tom will never experience the friendship from your Friends which would have been shewn him had he a stronger claim to the name of Hayley. Pride & avarice are the passions of age & our Friends

William Hayley Esq^re
Eartham
near
Chichester
a single sheet

like ourselves are growing old but here ends domestics. you ask me how I like M.^r Twigge I find him cordial & pleasant in his manners but of his understanding my own has been too confused to form a judgment - however as I have now made up my Mind I hope it will grow clearer & tomorrow I shall begin reading the new Botanic Garden which I wish to hear your opinion of & you also promised me a history of your late visit when I had settled my northern tour.

With love to Tom & kind respects to Mary I am

yours very sincerely
Eliza Hayley